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  • Writer's pictureMs. Loretta

Ms. Loretta, I Can't Keep A Secret!

Updated: Oct 20, 2023

Dear Ms. Loretta,

My best friend is a guy and we have been friends for over 10 years. He has always been there for me and I for him. He started dating a nice young lady about four years ago. Over the years I have gotten close with his girlfriend as well.

She is a really sweet lady who is committed to him. He recently confided in me that he is attracted to someone else and begged me not to say anything. He promised that he would not act on any of those feelings until he can sort things out with his girlfriend. I’m not convinced that he hasn’t already acted on his feelings.

As a woman I feel like I’m betraying her by not saying anything and I feel like if I do say something, I’m betraying him. What should I do because honestly, I’m lost!

~A Concerned “Friend”~

Dear Concerned Friend,

Seems like you’re caught in a really tough spot. However, this is not about whether he has or will cheat on his girlfriend. This is about whether you can be trusted to keep a secret or even wish to be placed in a position to keep a secret. Is it your place to disclose something to his girlfriend that he told you privately?

It is an etiquette no-no to break a confidence. When you have information that is confidential, keep it confidential. Other people’s inappropriate behavior (or thoughts) does not belong to you. They belong to them.

Oftentimes, a friend just needs someone to listen without being judgmental. Can you be that friend? Can you keep a secret?

If you feel very strongly about this situation, you should explain to him how uncomfortable this has made you feel. Explain to your best friend the importance of being true to himself and encourage him to be forthcoming to his girlfriend. But do not be surprised if he no longer views you as a confidant.

I hope everything works out for you.

Ms. Loretta

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. Don't ruin your brand. Protect it."

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