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  • Writer's pictureMs. Loretta

Ms. Loretta, He Dumped Me!

Updated: Oct 20, 2023

Dear Ms. Loretta,

I met a wonderful guy three years ago. I felt like he swept me off my feet. He was so kind and supportive. If we didn't have class or work, we spent every minute together. I fell head over heels in love. We even discussed marriage. Then I made a big mistake that shook our trust. I begged for his forgiveness and thought we could move pass the incident. I know in my heart that I will never do what I did to him again, to him or anyone. I learned two months ago that all has not been forgotten. A friend saw him on a date with another girl. I was devastated and confronted him. It didn't go well, I may have been over the top with my anger. I struggled to keep control but I lost it. He stopped taking my phone calls and refuse to open the door when I go to his home. I guess my second big mistake was losing control of my temper.

To make things worse, his new girlfriend is gorgeous and seems to have it together. I feel so jealous and inadequate. He now treats her the way he once treated me. My self-esteem has hit rock bottom. How will I ever recover from my mistakes, improve my self-esteem, and get on with life.

~Feeling Low & Lonely~

Dear Low & Lonely,

A bad break-up can be a major blow to your happiness, but getting dumped can really affect your self-esteem. It is hard not to succumb to the sadness and self-loathing that getting dumped can bring on. I hope you've learned two valuable lessons from your experience: (1) Breaking trust can destroy a relationship; and (2) An angry confrontation is always inappropriate in any type of relationship. What is done is done, though. Now, it is time for you to move on. After you're all cried out, your focus should be on embracing and applying lessons learned and rebuilding your self-esteem.

Take a Breath

First of all, take a deep breath. Sometimes the shock of being dumped, particularly if you cause the breakup, can make it feel like you're drowning. So breathe and keep your head above water.

Avoid the Blame Game

Whether your partner dumped you because of their own reasons or because of something they feel you did, there is no point in trying to find blame or pointing fingers. That will only serve to make you feel worse. You should, however, offer a sincere apology. Sending a note will be fine. Respect his desire for privacy and respect yourself. Don't grovel. Accept the consequences of your actions, learn, move on.

Remember You

Ultimately, this is your life. Focus on yourself and remember it is your responsibility to pursue the best life you can create for yourself and that includes valuing and nurturing your relationships with others -- romantically, friendships, or with coworkers. First, give yourself love and respect before expecting anyone else to? Take this time to remember you. Then be about the business of building a personal brand that reflects your values in life.

Get Some Perspective

Sometimes it helps to look at things from an outside perspective. Imagine that one of your friends or loved ones is in the same position you are in right now. Would you think that they deserve to wallow in that much misery and give up their self-worth?

Find Someone to Talk To

Don't suffer in silence. You are more likely to dig yourself deeper into despair and let your self-esteem slip. Instead, ask a trusted friend or loved one to spend some time with you, and talk it out. Not only will you feel better having a sounding board, but they may be able to hand you some much-needed perspective. Caution: Don't make them the go-to-person to dump every complaint you may have. Respect their need for mental peace.

Talk Yourself Up

Make a list of all the things that you love about yourself, and all of the good things you have to offer not just someone else, but also yourself. After you make this list, read it often as a reminder of how wonderful you are. If it helps, try reading them out loud.

Treat Yourself

To celebrate you, treat yourself to something special. Something small such as a home spa treatment or a run can do wonders for how you feel. Anything you can do that makes you smile, is healthy, and reminds you of how good life is will help.

Don't Let Go

Whatever you do, keep your head above water and don't let go of yourself. Do not allow what someone else says, past mistakes, or painful events diminish your self-esteem. Just learn to do better, because you are worth it.

Being dumped is hard; there is no doubt about that. You are strong enough, however, to keep your head up and move on. Find solace in the fact that you are a wonderful, beautiful person and no one can take that away unless you let them. You can maintain your self-esteem by holding on to you and always striving to do the right thing no matter what.

Ms. Loretta

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. Don't ruin your personal brand. Protect it."

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